Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Graduation for Dummies

How to Graduate from Stanford with a Ph.D.:
  1. Join Stanford.
  2. Write a thesis and defend it. Or vice versa.
  3. Get reading committee to sign it.
  4. Spend last day at the movies, utilizing student discount for the final time. (BTW, Mr. and Mrs. Smith was a surprisingly enjoyable Hollywood blockbuster.)
  5. Wake up early in the am to show up at commencement in ceremonial attire.
  6. If feeling bold, abandon ceremonial attire. (Wasn't feeling bold.)
  7. If even bolder, nearly all attire. (Or bolder.)
  8. Tuck into refreshments offered by non-CS depts. on the way to CS ceremony. (I wish I had.)
  9. Wait to be called up, while acting as a blackbody seated in direct sunlight. (Sunscreen is a good idea.)
  10. Wear sunglasses when picking up degree, enhancing coolness factor.
  11. Freeze-frame the moment.
  12. Pity lack of foresight of hungry mates staring in disbelief at the food lines.
  13. Celebrate, but don't lose the degree in a barfight.

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